“elogy”

I AM AN UNPUBLISHED AUTHOR
AND MY PAINTINGS DON’T HANG
ANYMORE.
AND PEOPLE WHO USED TO CARE—
DON’T.
AND MY SISTER’S KIDS WHO USED TO
LOVE ME,
FORGET.
AND THE NEPHEW I NEVER MET.
AND WAITRESSES WHO USED TO WAIT—
REFUSE TO TAKE MY ORDERS
AND MOVE ON TO THE NEXT.
“YOU TAKE TOO LONG,” THEY SAY,
“AT EVERYTHING.”
I PROBABLY DO— AND I AM SO SORRY.
I AM TOO POOR TO BUY THEIR ATTENTION,
ANYMORE.
AND ALL THE GIRLS WHO EVER KISSED ME
ARE MARRIED.
AND I AM NOT.
AND I SEE PHOTOGRAPHS OF THEIR KIDS—
AND I IMAGINE HOW MUCH UGLIER
THEY WOULD BE
IF ONLY THINGS
WORKED OUT
DIFFERENTLY.
I REGRET NOTHING, BUT I WOULD CHANGE
EVERYTHING.
I WOULD NOT HAVE MOVED HERE.
I WOULD NOT HAVE SOLD MY ART.
I WOULD NOT HAVE QUIT TEACHING.
I WOULD NOT HAVE EVEN BEGUN— TEACHING.
I WOULD NOT HAVE SKIPPED MY PROM—
OR BEEN SUCH A WIMP WHEN MY GIRL
WANTED TO F*CK.
I WOULD NOT HAVE EATEN MOTHS AND MOTH EGGS
IN MY CEREAL EVERY MORNING BEFORE GRADE SCHOOL.
I WOULD NOT HAVE ALLOWED MY PARENTS TO SELL
MY BEAUTIFUL RED HUFFY
WITH MY RUBBER BAND COLLECTION
STILL AROUND THE HANDLE GRIPS.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I WOULD NOT HAVE BELIEVED.
NO. I WOULD NOT HAVE TRUSTED MY ALERGIES TO
WHEAT, OATS, PEANUTS, APPLES, LENTILS, RAISINS,
OR ARTIFICIAL COLORANTS.
I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN AFRAID OF THE WORLD.
I WOULD NOT HAVE TRIED SUICIDE IN THE THIRD GRADE—
OR AT LEAST, NOT WITH A JUMP ROPE.
—I HAVE NEVER CONSIDERED THAT ONE
—AN ATTEMPT AT ANYTHING OTHER
—THAN FALLING FLAT ON MY ASS.
I WOULD NOT HAVE CHOSEN ANY OF THE THINGS
THAT WERE DONE TO ME —OR CHOSEN FOR ME.
BUT NONE OF THIS REALLY MATTERS
SO LONG AS THE
COFFEE IS HOT
AND THE POEM
WRITES ITSELF—
WITHOUT ANY
INTERVENTION
BY ME—
BECAUSE I WOULD JUST MESS EVERYTHING UP—
OR LET SOMEONE ELSE SCREW HER FOR ME.
AND I AM SO SORRY.
SO SORRY. –merci

narrative poem written on 11-18-2010 by: on mattkane.com
view image of poem

SHARE THIS POEM!

- Remove line breaks